Recap 55- The Kingbringer Race

I skipped the last recap cuz work and life and holiday shit blah blah blah I’m a wuss. So I’m going to do my damnedest to get a full recap on here for both nights. The good thing is that the last night was pretty much just a slug fest with a few main high points. And I guess so was the previous night too. You guys are gonna be so confused when u have to talk to npcs and solve puzzles and shit again. So as always please fill me in on what I left out. And I’m always down for comments criticism and concerns. So please let me know what you thought about respit and any questions on loose ends and shit. With all that said I would also like to ask someone to record our meetings and send them in a mp3 or something so I can start to keep an audio library of this game. I have tried but what I’m using isn’t working. Any ideas are greatly appreciated. I know if we all got microphones it would be easy but there is no ducking way I will ever be able to get us all on the same page with that so.......

Let’s recap.

Inside of SS2.0+ (now reeling from an onslaught of battles and missing its hind legs. Dents a plenty and a leaky oil hose you head onward after HER. You suddenly feel the hull jerk to the side and hear tiny metal ringing sounds coming from above u on the outside of the hull.  Ally d goes to check it out with Ulrich and they find a cyborg spider connected with a long rope going over the hull and out of sight below.  The spider has not attacked u nor have it’s friends that are slowly walk g around the shell of SS2.0+.  Ally f just decides to throw caution to the wind and kick these fuckers off the hull but slams his shin against one of the harness bars and he is now nursing a killer bruise on his kicking shin.  He ends up grabbing his purple pube sword and chips away at the cyborg spider. The metal is unharmed by the sword but the spider is not. Ulrich takes a more weaponized approach  and hacks the fuck out of one of the spidercyborgs. The being is toast but expels an acid blood burst that burns thebdwarf leaving some of his face and shoulder scarred for life. SODENKTE. YALL are some scarred ass mo fos. I would love to see one of those autopsy drawings of all your battle wounds sometime. Stew can I get your hands on an autopsy draft so I can fill one out for y’all. Ally ds dental records will be hilarious. “Appears that Front teeth were once replaced by impacted human feces of the same dna of subject, then replaced again by laybehia rock polished to a light pink perfection.” End SIDENOTE.

Rolen comes up to give aid and eldrich blasts thebshit out of two cyborg spiders who trail over the hulls side and down into the unseen below. One of the 4 friends cuts the spider line and the spiderborg goes running away. The three now hear laughing from below and take a peek to see the deep purple flag flag of the mirror men. The sign of the mirrorman. A black and white mans face split down the middle divided by a bright orange line inside a bright orange square on a deep purple backdrop. The mirror men’s car is a pyramid made of iron bars making a cage around the teo mirror men pumping away at one of those old timey train things that hobos ride in cartoons. The one you have to push up and down to get the cart to move forward. Yeah. One of those. Atop the caged pyramid is a light blue glowing orb also caged but in a cube with hand print sized and shaped openings on 4 sides. Hanging on the outside of the cage are 4 crazy eyed bastards that look like they just work from a long rest, healthy l, vibrant, not a scratch on em, but wild eyed and looking to do damage to y’all. They hurl some items at SS2.0+ but miss terribly. Eventually the cyborg spiders  are wiped    Out and the focus of your violence moves toward the mirrormen themselves. Aldannis shoots faces and Ulrich blasts bodies and yourbhitting them hard. These mirrormen have no armor. They are naked except for their loin cloths. So their easy to hit and take a ton of damage. One of them takes an eldrich blast to the chest. He goes flying off the caged pyramid. But Errik must have made these fuckers some harnesses too cuzbhrbis now being dragged and obliterated by the speed of their hobo cart and the hit wasted ground below. One of his counterparts ignores his ability to attack the 4 friends and moves to reel in his shredded friend. Or at least what’s left of him. He pulls the lifeless caucus. Up onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry and walks him up to the glowing orb. Places what’s left of the mans right hand (mostly bone and dust) onto the orb and the mirror man hops back to life fully healed. This process happens again in different iterations until Ulrich gets sick of it and fucking shoots himself onto the hobo cart. Ulrich has an idea to have someone shoot hot oil into the cart so he can light that notch likrbq Christmas tree. Rolen is only so happy to give aid in this venture and shoots the hot oil out of Ss2.0+s mouth straight into the cart of the mirrormen totally soaking throb two pumpers. Ulrich goes to light his torch but it is put out by a mirrormen after seeing what ulrich intentions were. One morrorman chucks a hunk of black muck at the underhull of SS2.0+ and it sticks perfectly to the bottom and begins to grow. This is suicide -muck and it will eat the entirety of SS2.0+ and then eat itself to death bringing you down with it. SIDENOTE. The Dana strand was an idea I had for this. But then I just thought we can’t be too Dana centric. After all the worst drug of all time is named after her so I guess we are even. End SIDENOTE.

Aldannis has a genius idea here. He decides to suspend himself with some rope to get a better look. And then pee on the suicide muck and then freeze it. Aldannis, suspended upside down under the hull of SS2.0+ traveling at 100 mph decides to drop (or raise as he is upside down) trough and pre into the wind. And subsequently all over himself. And then his fewest boots react and he is now a TAMPON POPSICLE under the metal beast. I don’t even remember how thrbduck he got out of this pickle but it probably involved shit or something.

The mirror men seen invincible so long as they can touch their orb and are tied to the metal pyramid. And they just keep recharging. But Rolen shoots some more blasts and ulrich stats to chop away at the mirrormen.

Doing damage like a mo fo the team really gives it to the mirrormen who are down to just one while ulrich attempts to steal the orb. He healed himself by touching it but this turned thrborb a bit darker and cloudier. Then someone else did it and the orb turned darker. Then ulrich was like. “Let’s not all do it cuz we may need it later “ and they put it in a pack. The mirrormen rate down to one and are offed by a swift turn the wheel smashing the remaining mirrormen tinder SS2.0+. Good driving victory.

SIDENOTE. This whole thing was made just to let u fuckers get full healing before your fight against the big HER.” And then it turned to a whole night thing. Oh well. Aldannis tampon popsicle fuckjng ruled. End SIDENOTE.

Up ahead you see HER. victory beckons you into the hull and she slams her hand down on the red button. Y’all go into hyperdrive and then smash into HER with all your force causing a fuckjng intense ass collision. Out of the dust Arises HER. her markhor mask is flowing blood out the face in an intimidating power show. HER has also grown to 100 feet tall with spindily legs and a rocking bod. HER moves like she is made of smoke. And the silver arm shines in the sun. Metal and flesh mesh like playdough and HERs car is completely ruined but so is SS2.0+. The only thing you recognize that’s not currently on fire is the rams head. Spewing bile. Still. And probably forever. Until the end of time. The only thing g you can always count on. The ram-anus of eternal bile spewing. All hail.

The battle. —————————/////

From the wreckage of HERs battle wagon erupts a figure so intimidating you all collectively pee in your pants a little. HER rises to the height of a giant supporter by two spindly legs that look more like thick rising purple smoke. HERs mharkor skull mask is spewing blood as a battle cry and a wail that whips winter winds across your freshly pee stained painters sends frost bitten chills down your spines. She raises her silver arm to the sky and crashes it down upon you with all the force of a mountain being dropped from the heavens shaking the ground  around you and making her point that this is gonna be a fucking slug fest. But also she has a huge saber made of pure silver steel that looks sooooo sharp it hurts. HER squelches our “you’ll never defeat the CARVIS. you’ll all die. everyone of you is already dead. Everyone you know and everyone else is dead. All will die at the power of the CARVIS.”  It sounds all scary and shit. Ukrich attacks the hinge of the silver arm to revel that it’s not just a cover but rather attached to HER like bone. HER takes this damage in stride and keeps dealing blows (not those kind you sick fucks) to each of you without prejudice. ALDANNIS TAKES THIS OPPORTUNITY TO GET HIGH. LIKE REALLY FUCKING HIGH. He takes a blunt out of his pack and downs it in three monster hits. Now he is commanding an army of fallen foes against her but only in his mind. He summons them to fight and screams orders at them while the rest of the 4 friends look on in a mix of confused amazement and hilarious tragedy. This would be funnier if he wasn’t fighting for his and your lives. But it has added to his confidence because now he thinks his actions are backed up by a fucking ghost army of dead enemies. This thought pattern and strange command calling continues until the battle is over.

Rolen is a blast master we all know that but his well placed blasts did more than they showed in battle beginning to tear away at the shell of HER and expose her inner self. This was unseen to you until the mask was destroyed showing HERs crystal. Our eyes and long silver hair. HERs eyes meet with victory (who has been pretty much out since the battle began. Victory yells at you not to kill her.  And you all recognize the face behind the mask. Though it looks dead and possessed you’ve seen it before only full of life and happy. It’s Sheila. (Best reveal ever. I rule at story creation.) Aldannis finally gets a face to shoot but keeps using his purple pube sword like it’s going to be taken away.  (We really need to nail down some stuff with this. Or rather I do. I will. Fuck you. This takes a lot. Dicks.) Out of the distance you hear a familiar sound of “shite shite shite shite shite shite” and see Woodric heading toward you in his land canoe while the battle rages on. After a slug fest that left almost everyone near the threshold of the great beyond Dicktoes goes magic on HER face as he casts a spell that turns HER into a dwarf with boobs.  The silver arm remains and in a last ditch effort to take you with her she swipes at all of you but it is Aldannis that takes the brunt of the hit. Knocking him unconscious and pretty much killing him.  But with a few more shots HER is brought to HERs knees and she falls over onto her back gasping for air. Victory runs to her and whispers something into Sheila’s ear. As she cradled Sheila in her arms she turns to each of you and says “Thank you for everything. I will miss you all soo much. Thank you for bringing her back to me. I’ve lost so much while I was here but you’ve helped me rebuild. I love each of you dearly. This is goodbye but not forever....” As she says this her hands begin to turn to dust and thrb her arms. And the. Her body. Sheila is also crumbling. But a blue light begins to shine from the shells of the two women’s bodies. “Look to the northwest, beyond what is known to find us. When your in your darkest time look us. Thank you.....” she crumbles away into ash as does Sheila and the blue light rises to the heavens and sails off toward the northwest.

Epilogue

The silver arm is all that is left of HER. Laying in a puddle of blood ulrich picks it up. Upon a close inspection he noticed a marking of a TM a familiar sign in XC but the first time you’ve seen it here. It doesn’t bring back any food memories that’s for sure and you all look at the sign and collectively look at each other and just say “fuck”. Ulrich decides to hold the relic and hoists it over his shoulder being sure to tie it off with some string and cover it up with some cloth. It feels heavy and cold. It’s also screaming but no one can hear it except for you 4. Covering it with the cloth has muffled the screams enough to be tolerable.

Woodric picks up ally d and says “shite shirt shite shite shite. We should probably finish this fucker, eh ya cunts?” You pile into the land canoe and head toward the finish line.

As you approach the crowds cheering gets louder and louder. There are parties in the streets of respit. People are crying tears of joy and embracing. You even see a number of bug bears in purple armor tied up and being spit on and rocks being thrown at them by children. The first being you see is BHOBRAUS. Who has organized an impressive gang of lower class dragonborns. He embraces ulrich first and the Dragonborn gang (known as the crystal fang) hoist him up like the end of Rudy. Rolen isbstandoffish and looks troubled. He doesn’t  talk to anyone and even waives off a few admirers. He is disturbed by this whole thing. He thought things were going to get better. But it looks like XC was just the first mile in a marathon that just keeps getting steeper, colder, and more covered in blood. He fears for the future. You almost all died here. You lost victory. Aldannis May never make it out of the state he is in, ulrich looks like a fucking gusher used as a pin cushion with a beard, and Dicktoes is motherfucking drunk all the time. Granted he basically ended HER but he’s getting dangerous. Like he doesn’t even know his the strength of his own power or his limitations. Rolen is troubled.

Aldannis is knocked the duck out and breathing shallow as a kiddie pool. But that doesn’t stop a group of young hot ladies from picking him up and passing him around to give him kisses and grab a little of this shit stained tushy. “Handsome dan your so brave”. “I love you handsome dan”. I want to have your babies handsome dan”. And even a few gravelly old biker looking dudes who say “I want to suck your fuck handsome dan”. “Fill me up you handsome fuck”. Of course Aldannis is clueless to all this (pretty much how he would be if he was conscious). And he ends up the bottom dog in a dog pile of celebratory lust from his fans. Dicktoes is getting hammered. The brewers guild has shown up here and he is slamming piney kegs like they was high life’s. With a trio of prostitutes  from the clam cave (the Weiner huts female equivalent) he told the fattest blunt any of you have ever seen sand he walks off in a cloud of smoke not even understanding how epic he looks.

Rupert and brohem stand at the edge of this chaotic jubilation with a tear in their eye. Brohem because he is so proud of his new best friends. And Rupert because he is so fucking sad SS2.0+ is destroyed. Brohem puts his hand on Rupert’s shoulder and says “well.... as I am “Brohem the Pure. Son of Dobgrin the peace bearer. Freeer of the bound, charitable to the needy, destroyer of the oppressor, and friend to all kinds. I declare that your wagon was the tool that built this beautiful moment. Be proud brother. This is your party too.” Rupert nods and smiles a little. Looks out at the smoke rising in the distance and let’s out a large sigh. “Well ummmm a ahhhh we should ahhh ..... ga....ga.....get some of those prostitutes eh...???” Brohem responds “  “Brohem the Pure. Son of Dobgrin the peace bearer. Freeer of the bound, charitable to the needy, destroyer of the oppressor, and friend to all kinds has no time for such things but go friend and enjoy. Tomorrow brings a new day. Thanks to our new friends and the new kings of respit.” “All hail the 4 Kings “ This chant grows some momentum and soon thrbwholr crowd is chanting along “all hail the 4 Kings. All hail the 4 kings. All hail.......” All hail indeed my friends. All hail indeed. Well done.

See ya soon.

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