Recap 8- Great Beast Trashed

Season 1: Golden Oak

Recap 8: Great Beast Trashed (or Out of the Sewer, into the Swamp)

Scene 1: The Tunnel of the Forsaken, overlooking the River Chamber in the Underdank

The episode begins as Saxon, Sandro, Silyana, and Saul are standing at the mouth of a drainage tunnel, tracing the path of the sewage rushing by at their feet as it takes a 50 ft drop down onto the Albacan's corpse below them. The body is situated on a walkway about 25 ft wide; beyond the walkway is a rushing river of sewage about 50 ft wide. Late afternoon light is streaming in beams created by street-level grates hundreds of feet above. The Fearsome Four can hear the bellowing and stomping of the Great Trash Beast in an adjacent tunnel. They are confused on how to proceed and begin inspecting the walls of the River Chamber around them for any footholds that might allow them to safely climb down to the floor below them. As Saxon and Saul are doing so, they see the GTB's periscope pop out of an opening about 50 ft left (North).

As the Fearsome Four stand around debating their next course of action, the GTB picks up their scent again. Now they can hear it galloping with purpose in tunnels nearby, the sloshing and grunting echoing through the hallway. They hear it enter the tunnel a few hundred feet behind them and Saxon decides he's had enough running. As the Beast splashes down the hallways through the now ankle-deep rushing stream of sewage, Saxon climbs two thirds of the way up the wall of the round tunnel and readies himself for an ambush. Saul stands square in the middle of the tunnel and Sily and Sandro try to make themselves as scarce as possible. The fetid stench of the Trash Beast is thick in their nostrils and on their tongues as they listen for its ever-approaching gallop. As the Beast rushes forth from the darkness, Saxon drops down from the ceiling onto the back of the unsuspecting GTB. Saxon swirls his Skull Mace over his head a few times, building momentum, and explodes, with one swing, the eye-containing psuedopod at the end of the GTB's tentacle/periscope. The GTB screams and howls in shock and pain and Saxon is covered in stinking, viscous slime but is undeterred. He jams the pointed butt of his Skull Mace through the armored skin of the GTB, plunging it deep into the back of its neck. Seeing that the GTB has been blinded and is now careening out of control toward a 50 ft drop with Saxon on its back, Saul attempts a Dirty Robot Kickflip off of the tunnel wall in order to tackle Saxon off of the GTB before it falls out of the tunnel. He kicks off of a loose brick in the wall, however, and lacks the leverage/momentum to knock Saxon off of the GTB's back; instead placing himself on the back of the Beast next to Saxon.

The Great Trash Beast telepathically reaches out to Sandro again, saying, "OUCH!," and Sandro gets a good look at it for the first time as Saxon rides the blinded, howling beast straight at him. It's a rhinoceros-sized animal, the light brown-green of sewage, with three legs (one in the back), three tentacles (the two flank tentacles on either side end in psuedopods with long, teeth-like protrusions and the dorsal tentacle had had its eyes sheared off by Saxon), and, most prominently, an impossibly-gaping, infinitely-toothy maw that looks as if it would swallow Sandro whole. Silyana steps out of the shadows as Saxon and Saul ride the beast on by and shoots a Ray of Frost in to the sewagey path of the out-of-control Trash Beast. An icy, downhill tunnel floor is no place for an out-of-control Trash Beast to gain its footing, as Silyana has initiated a highly-slapstick situation that is also potentially lethal for the rest of the Fearsome Four.

''*** DM's Interjection: This is so Silyana... Also, not really married to "Fearsome Four" or anything but you guys are earning it...''

     The Great Trash Beast's legs slide around crazily like a schoolyard tailback's and it loses its footing, sliding the last 6 ft of Sily's icy sheet. Saxon and Saul share a moment together atop the Great Trash Beast, as Saul declares he'd do anything for Saxon but couldn't really care less about Sandro or Silyana (which tracks since Silyana's about to Mr. Bean Saul into a grisly, anonymous death in a sewer) and Saxon just continues to wail away on the wound he's opened up at the back of the Great Trash Beast's skull. The Great Trash Beast screams and howls in pain and confusion, a disgusting and terrible sound, and thrashes its tentacles wildly, eventually digging the teeth into the brick of the tunnel and wrenches itself to a stop, wildly lashing out at Sandro mentally and with its teeth. Sandro is taken by surprise by the creature's wild turn but still musters an Uncanny Dodge to prevent the beast from sinking its foot long, needle-like teeth into his chest. Instead, the teeth pierce Sandro's shoulder and he feels the injection of something unclean that sears his blood as it begins to run through his circulatory system. He hardly spends a moment thinking of the disease that took his family when he was so young as he shrugs off the disease that courses through his veins in the present moment. Sandro re-focuses and realizes he heard Saxon's Skull Mace clang to the floor as the Trash Beast was thrashing around and he steps quickly to retrieve it from the rushing stream of sewage. He picks it up gingerly, having never really handled a weapon of this size before, and tosses it to Saxon, who is somehow still on the back of the GTB, hugging Saul closely.

If its eyes are in its tentacles, where are its brains? Saul's money is with Saxon's skull bet and he fires a crossbow bolt to pith the beast but his aim isn't true and the bolt harmlessly glances off the beast's armored, shitty skin. Sandro is uninterested in this thing's brains (curious, since it keeps talking to him) and presses himself out of the way, against the tunnel wall with his swords in a defensive position. Silyana, however, appears to believe that the Great Trash Beast's brains are in its anus, as she carefully identifies the creature's butthole and (otherwise) inexplicably fires a Ray of Frost straight up its ass.

''*** DM's Interjection: This is so Silyana, its Phil... ?''

"WHYYYYYYYY???!!!!!!," the Great Trash Beast gives a final mental scream to Sandro as the icy pain and humiliation is just too much for this creature to bear. It gathers the last of its lifeforce to attempt a blind escape, galloping out of the tunnel into nothing, legs flailing. Silyana and Sandro look on as Saul (declining his Thelma and Louise moment with Saxon) Double Hampton Leap's off of the back of the GTB back into the mouth of the tunnel. Saxon, however, rides the beast down like a cowboy riding a horse over a waterfall and disappears from Sandro and Sily's view. They hear...


 * THUD*


 * CLANK*

"*THUD*

... in quick succession and rush to the edge of the sewage fall just as the Great Trash Beast lifelessly sinks below the currents of the sewage river and Saxon lies sprawled out on the walkway nearby.

Scene 2: The River Chamber

     Saxon stands up and dusts himself, shaking his head as his eyes adjust to the slightly different light. He slams a Goldenade and looks up at his compatriots as if to say, "Get down here!" Saul obliges and begins to parkour down the wall to Saxon from 50 ft above but he loses his grip on the slimy wall and falls from about halfway down, primarily injuring his pride. Silyana orders Sandro to act as a flesh ladder for her descent but he merely raises his eyebrows in reaction. She sighs exasperatedly and awkwardly follows Saul's climb. As she predictably loses her grip and begins to fall, she disappears in a puff of silvery mist and reappears 10 ft above the ground, still falling backwards and flailing her arms as if taking a much greater fall. Silyana is thinking to herself, "at least I kept my robes on this time," when Saxon suggests that she take off her robes so that they can use them to fireman-catch Sandro, who is standing 50 ft above them at the height of the sewage falls, making his best a-middle-aged-man-doesn't-have-time-for-this-bullshit face. Saul conjures an Invisible Servant to grab a corner of Sily's robes and together the four of them (Sily, Saxy, Saul and the Servant) catch Sandro as he back flops down the falls. The Fearsome Four plus one now head south along the sewage river, making for a doorway beaming with light...

Scene 3: The Round Chamber

      The Fearsome Four approach the lit doorway and see a familiar-looking portcullis in front of them, realizing they must be entering the Round Chamber with the control panel that they were in earlier. They enter the chamber and The Book, now with Silyana, grows warm. Somehow, Silyana understands that the book is interested in the control panel on the dais in the center of the room. Silyana approaches the dais and removes The Book from her cloak and waves it over the control panel slowly. It feels warmer to her when she passes it over the right side of the control panel. Silyana presses a few buttons and the Fearsome Fear hear a machine-like hum and the sewage river around them begins bubbling. She presses a few more buttons and pulls a lever and a loud mechanical sigh is heard. Suddenly the entire dais begins to shake and ascend straight into the air. A long column extends below as the dais takes the Fearsome Four up, up... hundreds of feet into the air to the ornate ceiling of the chamber. Double doors above slide out of the way, revealing a hatch that the dais passes through. The Fearsome Four now find themselves still standing on the dais but now roughly at street level, judging by the three o'clock sunlight through the windows around them. Silyana Prestidigitates everyone in to clean freshness.

Scene 4: A Warehouse Near Crown's Square in Ship's Berth

     The Fearsome Four look around and find themselves, judging by the view from the windows spaced on all four walls, in a warehouse near Crown's Square in Ship's Berth. The warehouse is apparently out of use as it contains no wares. The Four step off of the dais and it recedes into the floor, the hatch closing behind it. Discussion abounds as the Four begin to brainstorm about their next move; elaborate plans involving the discussion forum Sharing with Sharron are prominently mentioned. DJ Saul slides on his Detect Magic Headphones by Dre and immediately hears the song "Consumite Furore" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GWENu6GN1c&list=RD4GWENu6GN1c&start_radio=1&t=65) coming from the dais/pedestal as it descends back into the Underdank. He then hears "Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YvAYIJSSZY) from nearby. He realizes that this is the same Ethereal Eye spell that was haunting the Four back as they ate their fried oris for breakfast. Moments later, Tatianna and her entourage show up in a fancy carriage outside and one of the guards begins banging on the barn doors on the front of the warehouse. The rest appear to be hesitant but Saxon immediately goes to open the door. The rest remain suspicious after their last experience with a fugazi Tatianna but a few moments of her flirtatious manner put them at ease. A guard produces an elaborate looking chest and Tatianna instructs the Four to place the book inside. Silyana feels the seductive draw of the The Book's power but reluctantly complies with Tatianna's demand, using her Mage Hand to do so. It isn't long before Saul is flirting hard (and rather explicitly) with Tatianna and she invites the Fearsome Four to join them in her carriage. They do without much question.

Scene 5: A Carriage Ride to Golden Oak

     The Fearsome Four are concerned with payment for their services but the fast-talking Tatianna gets out in front and explains that her "daddy" (Great Lord Sludj) is very pleased with everything they have done including, but not limited to, acquiring The Book. She is pleased to tell them that they are all about to be rich beyond their wildest dreams: they will be given their own manse in Golden Oak proper. No more sleeping in dorms and safehouses! The carriage moves east through Ship's Berth, bouncing along the cobblestones and swiftly moving through crowds of pedestrians and leaving them to dodge out of the way of the team of horses. Silyana gazes through the window as the carriage turns onto a wide road and faces the gate to Golden Oak. Throngs of people are lined up in the streets, waiting to get past teams of guards diligently inspecting each of the hundreds one-by-one. The horse team and carriage, however, are allowed to continue through without interruption. Saxon attempts to discuss his Uncle Reggie concerns with Tatianna, suggesting that Reggie might like a business opportunity through Great Lord Sludj. Tatianna mentions all will be squared up after they listen to "Dad's speech."

Scene 6: Mercy Square

     The Fearsome Four, from the moving carriage, can now see Mercy Square, the entryway portion of Golden Oak. It is a vast urban green space with emerald green lawns, bountiful gardens, a small lake, and filled with the legendary golden oak trees that are the namesake of the city. Legend has it that the trees have never been and can never be cut down and they shimmer beautifully in the red-orange rays of the sunset. The Four all simultaneously see a golden statue standing at the center of the park. It is an eerily familiar scene of a meeting between Robert Crowne and his War Clerics and the Albacans; a moment canonized in Oaken history as "The Mercy" (hence, Mercy Square). Sandro reflects wryly  that this larger-than-life golden statue doesn't depict the violent ending to this scene that The Four saw in their all-too-vivid dream last night. Near the statue there is a massive stage set up with crowds packed tightly all around. The Four can hear voices echoing out over the crowd:

"Hi, I'm Randy Sludj!"

"And I'm Andy Sludj!"

"We're the Sludj Brothers!"

"Our dad's rich!"

"Yeah, really rich!"

"This is our friend Kidrock!  You guys wanna hear a song?"

The assembled crowd roars as "Bawitdaba" is heard loudly across the Square. The carriage comes around and behind the stage. Saxon, for a moment, makes eye contact with the woman from his dream last night, she is standing backstage alone, off to the side. The carriage rolls to a stop and Tatianna instructs the Fearsome Four to listen to her dad's speech and then quickly exits. Saul expresses his concern that this is some sort of trap. On stage, Kidrock is finishing up and Sludj is being introduced. The Four listen closely as he begins to speak...

--- CUT TO CREDITS --

''Damn, that was crazy. I can't believe you guys killed the Otyugh! And so easily. I guess the ambush aspect really worked in your favor and you guys rolled pretty awesome, Dex checks aside. I'm happy we've gotten here. I recorded the Sludj speech a couple of weeks ago and have been excited for you to progress to this point. I will summarize the speech before next session but I'm interested to hear everyone's take on it and what it means for your characters before then. Also, I said this late after the session but:''

'''YOU ARE ALL LEVELING UP! PREPARE TO BE LEVEL 6 AFTER YOUR NEXT LONG REST (WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH WHENEVER YOU WANT TO TAKE IT)'''!

Character We Met:

Great Lord Harold Sludj: You didn't meet him yet technically but after hearing a lot about him ("Oh, you're that Funke everyone's been talking about"), Sludj finally pops up in a game session. He is a jowelly, blustery man of average build with a wicked beardover and ambitions of controlling all of Golden Oak (and more?).

"WHO'S BAD?!?!?!?!?!"

If you're asking me who was a Stupendous Badass this week, it was once again Saxon. He said, "fuck it" and decided to ambush the thing that you all had been running from for like three sessions. And ambush it he did. Like, I found myself feeling sorry for the Otyugh. Then Saxon said "fuck it" again and rode that bitch down a 50 ft sewage waterfall. Goddamn, his life is like a super gory Goldenade commercial...

Since you're asking me who the most evil was, though, I have to say Silyana. She endangered everyone's life not once but twice with her Looney Tunes-esque use of Ray of Frost. She certainly knows her way around a control panel, though!

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!"

We will pick it up where the speech ends, with Saxon (and whoever is coming with him) taking the stage...

- You will be shown your new (recently vacated according to Tatianna) manse in Golden Oak!

- You will learn more about your ongoing role in these "investigations" that Sludj is talking about...

- You guys got The Book but created a Massacre... why is Sludj so pleased with this? I mean, you guys are responsible for the Massacre on the Marion and he put you in charge of investigating who is responsible for the Massacre... what the fuck?

- What's with the giant machine in the Underdank and its connection to The Book?

-You will be able to explore the map of Golden Oak and all it has to offer!

I think that's it!

Thanks for playing, I'm over the falls waiting for the next session!

-back to The Golden Oak Campaign