Recap 60 & 61- The Underlords

Ok old friends.

This recap incorporates our past two sessions. I had a very hard time remembering much of that details from the most do nothing night of all time ( gotta stop playing sober).

For the last night of the decade we did a bunch of stuff and almost all of us were there. We even discovered that box head screw arm may actually be an Inuit deity that dates back to the earliest time of man. And let us never, ever, ever forget......... anal Charlie horse.

So we bring in a new decade together still adventuring and debating how many holes 4 but cheeks would have. (It’s 3). Pretty much ending the decade in the same way we began it and the way it’s been going for the whole 10 years.

Let’s recap.

This night begins with ulrich and aldannis standing over the last of the bandits dead bodies. Ulrich goes to loot the corpses (good name for an album btw) and finds nothing of any real interest besides a vile of blue liquid that each member of this band of thieves has on their person. The Ducheo take all 6 of the viles and leave behind all the random ass bs these losers had in their packs.

Ulrich feels great. Fresh off a kick ass blood lust dismembering of these 6 poor souls along with kicking Richy Gs danaed out ass and “saving” Blimpis. He feels good inside, like how he imagines Brohem must feel bring all lawful good and stuff.

He feels like a million bucks. But as the day begins to break in twofortheen Aldannis sees ulrich in a different light. To aldannis ulrich looks aged, wrinkled, gray, and fading fast.

Blimpis is still tied up and begins to come out of his ulrich induced knock out. He slowly realizes that he isn’t in his light box and starts to panic a bit. Aldannis leans down and fills Blimpis in on everything but it’s not going as planned so ulrich gives it a shot. The second that ulrichs face comes into Blimpis view Blimpis completely freaks out and writhes around on the ground attempting to get out of his bindings and get the fuck outta there. Blimpis is terrified of ulrich. Ulrichs words do nothing to quell Blimpis fear, in fact every time ulrich begins talking Blimpis becomes more agitated and terrified. Aldannis finally tells ulrich he looks like shot hit ulrich isn’t having any of it because he feels so damn good.

Suddenly the dawn is disrupted by a radiant golden light as Dicktoes suddenly appears.

The dynamic ducheo take this miraculous appearance in stride because by this point they are used to it. Dicktoes arrives to see aldannis and ulrich half nude, standing over 6 freshly dead bodies, a hogtied emo teen, and clutching 6 viles of blue liquid. Like his friends reaction to his appearance, he is used to entering upon such a scene and makes no mention to the corpses, the kidnapping victim, or the dynamic doucheos choice of undress, rather he asks “where did you guys get the rams horn viles?”

Rams horn is an energy elixir sold at many outposts. The brand boasts healing properties in an instant. It’s one of the many potions known to dicktoes who tells the ducheo to drink up, its good shit. Ulrich and aldannis both drink a full vile each and are instantly returned to full health.

Dicktoes then actually noticed ulrich and tells him he looks like total shit.

Ulrich still ain’t buying it.

Aldannis finally gets an idea to separate ulrich from the group for a moment so he can talk to Blimpis without Blimpis freaking out. Dicktoes has the same idea first and disappears with Blimpis for a short time. The. Returning without him telling the ducheo that Blimpis is safe.

This three the whole group for a loop as they don’t really know what to do next. Ulrich is looking worse as the minuets go by and aldannis can’t fucking make up his mind on what to do about it.

They need to talk to Blimpis. Maybe he will ha r some insight.

So dicktoes disappears quickly and then reappears with the hog tied emo teen in tow.

Blimpis is cut free only after agreeing not to run away or freak out with some great reassurance from ally d. Blimpis asks if any of the 4 friends were ever trapped in a green beam of light from the underlords? Aldannis tells him that the only one trapped for a considerable amount of time was ulrich. Blimpis now looking worried tells ally d and dicktoes that if they don’t return to the underlords temple and kill the one that cursed ulrich that ulrich will soon turn into an underlord....... forever.

It takes some masterful convincing on the part of aldannis to convince ulrich that he is ducking dying  but the 3 of the 4 friends decide to head back from where they came and destroy the underlords to save ulrich (and probably also save the grumbles and all those caged beings, not to mention maybe they can finally get some respect for old Rodney Dragonborn)

Heading back from where they came is a quick trip, the glass table is where you left it so getting into the light box is easy. Heading down the shafts you finally get to show Blimpis that Richard really is dead as you point out the bloated corpse of Richard, his head floating in a mix of Dana, blood, and piss. Blimpis finally believes you.

You make your way down the hallway, up the ladder, into the former home of the grimble grumble, past the cages and to the door of the temple proper.

daylight is shooting through the holes in the ceiling and all is quiet. Dead fully quiet. Eerily quiet.

You enter the temple.

The temple of the underlords

This temple is carved out of a mammoth piece of limestone (cunned). The floors are immaculately clean and smooth. A grimble sweeps invisible dust but pays you no mind. There is a fountain in the middle of the floor. Atop a pyramid inside of a large circular pool The fountain has a cube with 4 isosceles triangles “pointing” different directions ( Up down left and right). The water flows from a hole atop the cube.

The room is large. Looking up you see 3 more levels to this temple. No stairs are in your vision. You can tell there are more levels because your in the center of the temple and looking up you see small walls like ulrich high to keep people from falling over the edge. Barriers, banisters, small walls. Yep they got em all. You can also see the tops of a few doors leading you to believe there is much to explore.

The walls on the main floor have 4 doors equally spaced apart. Thought the room. There are also relief sculptures in the walls.

Northeast wall

A large orc with a septum piercing and a large mace looks menacing. It’s loon cloth def is hiding a huge dong.

South east wall

A night scene of the forest that surrounds this location. Almost looks like it is moving.

Northwest wall.

A day scene of the forest that surrounds this location. It is definitely moving. You even watch as a peasant driving a horse drawn cart slowly rides across the landscape. The trees are moving in the wind and you see a few bunnies and Squirrels frolicking in the grass.

Southwest wall

A horrifyingly realistic Cyclopes giant relief sculpture. He yields a large club. His dong size is not known.

Ulrich decides to take a swig of the water. He fills up hits vile and inspects the liquid. It’s crystal clear. He smells it. It smells Devine. He drinks it. It tastes like the best flavor he’s ever tasted and he goes for more. Aldannis striggles the vile out of ulrichs hand and chucks it against the wall shattering the vile into a million pieces. Grabbing ulrichs face aldannis pleads with him to not drink again for the liquid has aged him yet again and he looks like walking death now. But ulrich feels amazing and that shit tasted choice. Aldannis goes over all the shit the ducheo have been through. Like The time they killed those kids. And The time they fed those kids shit. And The time they stole pants off that dying kid. And The time they did surgery without anistetic on that kid.

It convinces ulrich to listen to his friend and he stops drinking the water.

Blimpis (who is on a leash) looks worried.

You decide to enter a room. As soon as you go through the door it shuts behind you and become a wall. You walk to the other end and see a sign “keep your eyes on your past”

You go back to the door/wall the. Moonwalk and end up in a very small cell like room.

SIDENOTE.

I thought this was going to take forever. Phil figures it out right away. Well done.

End SIDENOTE.

In a simple bed lies an underlord. You slaughter him in his sleep. So much so that you crack the wall behind him revealing a set of stairs going up.

You forgot the stairs and head back to the temples fountain room.

A grimble is cleaning the shattered glass vile. It pays you no mind and leaves out the grimble door. You start talking about what to do next. And you don’t get very far when the orc sculpture comes to life and you have to do battle.

Each of you get a round off against this rock orc beast. Aldannis puts one of his eyes out. Dicktoes rams the Orcs large dong and ulrich uses his 5000 attacks to chops and stab like there is no tomorrow.

The surprise  is the night comes from Blimpis who begins to cry (not a surprise) but his tears turn to ice shards that shoot at the orcs chest and send him back from his rapid approach.

It’s the orcs  turn as he raises his enormous mace and begins to swing it around. Gaining speed as he brings it down upon..........

And this is where we stopped.

A few things to think out. Boo yah.
 * 1) This temple is pretty big. It’s gonna take a while to explore.
 * 2) This temple is def magic and there are probably a ton of traps riddles and other things Dan hates.
 * 3) Blimpis could help you but your not sure he is even aware of his powers.  It could be unwieldy.
 * 4) The last time you fought the underlords they were very strong and your attacks didn’t do anything. They are obviously strong when they are together. But a sleeping underlord was an easy kill.
 * 5) 4 cheeks is obviously 3 holes.
 * 6) Anal Charlie horse is a common condition that we have all experienced.
 * 7) Bannisters are hard.
 * 8) The moving walls are cool as hell. Might be able to use those to your advantage. there could be more of them.
 * 9) It seems dicktoes and Blimpis have an instant bond. Kinda weird. Wonder why.
 * 10) I will always love you.

Happy new year losers.

2020

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